I think there are times that a parent can be judged too dangerous to be around his,or her,children,especially unsupervised.

as much as I dislike the CPS bureaucracy and the ways they,as I see it ,can really abuse families in the name o f"preventing"abuse...this might,from what you say, be a case for supervised visits. I can;t say I love most of the workers who do the supervising...bu twere it MY child,I'd sure want to know that the other person was stable before I started getting all gushy about how he has some"right"to be a daddy..killing a chihuchua is not the sign of a mentally healthy person...

*maybe* "when he sees the baby he'll change,but I wouldn't bet y life,or my child's life,on it. a kind of scary proportion of people who are violent with children or with other adults start out with abusing pets. and you say he was also violent with you and...do you have another child?

(i did see your post on the other group,just been busy and just now finding time to talk..)


now this may bring all kinds of crap down on me from some circles, but I don't see visitation as an inalienable "right." Being a parent is a RESPONSIBILITY and the first one is to act like a sane human being around whom a child can be safe. I think King Solomon,and every society that tells another version of the story,had it right...when the two women are fighting over the child,theone who intervenes and says,"don;t hurt my baby!" is the "real" parent.

so if you are returning to the city where he lives, you night want to contact a domestic violence agency and find out how to protect yourself and your child, and how to arrange for supervised visits if need be.

be aware that there are risks involved. if you contact him independently and he does something vi9lent, this whacked CPS system can turn around and charge you with "FAILURE TO PROTECT." it stinks,in my opinion...I told you,I don';t think really highly of the child rescuing establishment, and I think they stick their noses places it does not belong far too often and accuse some of the best parents in the world and wind up harming the children they are supposedly helping.whilechildrenoften remaininphysicallyor mentallyabuseivesituations because they are busy harassing the wrong people...


but no you are not being vindictive;you have legitimate reasons for feeling he's got a ways to go before you can feel comfortable bringing your baby around him.

sometimes I feel the larger society still treats children as chattel...property to which biological parents and in some cases other relatives, have a god-given "right" as if the children were livestock purchased at auction. can anyone really argue convincingly that children are somehow "deprived" by not having a parent like this in their lives?or does it matter what the child does or doesn;t get out of the interaction,a person has a "right" to see his baby like a specimen at the zoo? (nobody,or almost nobody,asksthe gorillas or zebras or secretary birds at the zoo whether they want a bunch of people staring at them or taunting them..but it's considered "educational" and thus beneficial for people to see these animals.you get my point?)

you aren't doing it to be vindictive, as I hear it...you are doing it to protect yourself and your child. that'syourfirst responsibility as a mama.

if someone had effectively killed my pet in front of me, I wouldn't feel I owed him shit.

people do change,but I'd want to see evidence that he has been working on himself and his anger problem or whatever it is thatmade him do these ugly things. he should have some kind o f psychological evaluation.

keep him away from your kid!! abuse is abuse. I cant stand people who flip abuse around to be vindictive, they are just plain stupid. period
He has a right to see his baby under state supervision. thats it. other wise stay away from the asshole.
just my 2cents.
J.

I agree with most of the other posters in that you should only allowed a supervised visitation. However, I may have a slightly different angle on the supervision. Obviously every case is unique and I think he failed miserably as a dad and husband, but there is some benefit in your child getting to see a parent and there family, my fear is later in life they will be upset if you deprived the child of visits. I'm a single dad with full custody and an ex wife with issues. I also looked into supervised visitation but the state system did not fit very well, and she just refused to see our son. I did however find that talking to her family helped.

I was actually very impressed with her family which had previously been very rude to me, they were very nice and helpful, they also wanted to see my son and allowed visitation under very protective circumstances. Once again, every case is different. But it started with an aunt of her's, then another, now her parents are very helpful and my son has the bonus of being involved in the ex's family.

Good luck and your not being vindictive or mean, your protecting your child like a good parent should.