Hi, looking for some support / ideas for dealing with this. My Ex. wife wants to move to Oregon (I live in L.A.) and take our 11 year old son with her. We have been discussing it rationally and without any hostility (suprising!). We have a selltement agreement that says she can't do anything like this without my consent so I have options. She is looking to be near her only remaining family, her brother, his wife and there kids that she is close to. I am really torn between digging in my heals and saying NO, but that will just be a huge fight that will not be good for anyone. I have discussed it with my son and he knows he will miss me, but I can tell he is excited about the adventure. We have talked about having him stay with me during the summer, and South West flights are cheap so I could vist every few months. Does anyone have any experience with a situation like this? I am really scared, and I don't want to look back with hindsight and see this was a stupid idea.
Thanks and love in advance.
Thanks and love in advance.
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Los Angeles
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Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Wed, January 17, 2007 - 2:11 AMThink about what's best for the child in the long term. You might have short term arguments, but other family members do not replace a father!
I believe it's best to have both parents nearby for the child (unless the non custodial parent is dead-beat or abusive), and have this opinion as my ex moved out of the country (to be near her family), so I rarely see my daughter now - it's awful, the phone doesn't do things justice, so I'm trying to get the ex to install videophone software on her computer.
PS If anyone has thought about this idea, I have it already - I found "Skype" to be really good, it's free, very popular, lots of good features too.
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Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Wed, January 17, 2007 - 4:56 AMWe ran into a similiar issue and after talking things out decided to put off any move for a bit so we could look at how the three of us could possibly move to the new area (meaning its worth exploring with the ex to see what would have to happen for you all to move ie how long would it take to find a new job, etc...). It at least gets the talk going without a fight and you explore all outcomes. -
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Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Thu, January 18, 2007 - 3:20 PMThanks for the comments, I have some souls searching and exploring to do! -
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Unsu...
Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Thu, January 25, 2007 - 9:14 PMhey dore, i am struggling with a similar situation,
except i am the one that wants to move
to oregon with my 9 1/2yo daughter.
i am currently in the bay area and believe i have a better
opportunity to suceed in oregon financially.
as far as my interests go,
there is more for me there as well.
i too want to hear others' opinions.
one thing i have heard, is that
as the children get older they would
rather stay home and hang out with
their friends than get on a plane to dad's.
i hope it all works out for you and will
keep tabs on this thread to see what you learn.
good luck! -
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Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Thu, June 14, 2007 - 9:27 AMWell, I up and moved my daughter away from her Dad a couple years ago, but because he wasn't stable at the time. He actually disappeared for about 7 months not too long after that and when he resurfaced he was in Seattle, we're in Portland. He's pretty much got it together now and comes down about once a month, sometimes more, for the weekend or longer, and so far it's working out. Now that he is getting it together, I would love to see him closer though. It would not only make our daughter extremely happy, but it would be a lot easier for me as far as child care and things go. If I had family here though, that might not be an issue. Basically, I think it can be worked out. It's hard though. If our situation had been different, I may not have done it. I don't know though. This really has been a great place for us... Well, good luck! Hope you guys can figure it all out amicably! -
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Re: Ex. wants to move out of state with my son!
Mon, June 18, 2007 - 1:51 PMThanks for the reply Amanda,
It looks like the ex has abandoned that plan for now, I know as my son gets older, he will make stronger attachments, and then he will have a stronger voice about where he wishes to live. I'm glad your ex got his life together enough to have regular contact with your daughter, having both parents around has got to be beneficial. One of my son's friends father just got out of jail after several years, and he is trying to reintegrate back into his sons life, must be hard! I took it for granted that my parents were always there, and got along, and did not understand at the time this is rare! Well I'm rambling, thanks again.
Dore
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