Don't worry first of all - and you know what - this doesn't really sound like a soap opera - just sounds like life. For now just love your baby. For the future - clarify your legal rights so you don't run the risk of things turning in to a soap opera. Let the older child's mother and father explain the situation to their child - that is their responsibility - you have enough on your plate. You sound like an open minded individual with a good heart, you will no doubt raise a child with these same qualities, your son will follow your lead and accept and embrace his family in his own way. Best of luck.

a good bit of this won't become an issue for some years yet, so you've got time... use it to relax a bit and enjoy what is in this moment.

often parents think there has to be an explanation for everything, and the fears held are more ours than our children's... if anything, what you say isn't as important as what you do (or do not do)... since much of your child's learning comes from observation and most of it will rarely result in a direct question about the more esoteric things of life.

whether or not the child was planned is wholly irrelevant and frankly, shouldn't be an issue at any stage. the only time a child would ask such a thing would be if in wonder or fear of being unloved/unwanted... so the best medicine against facing the question is simply to make it so obvious that it is a non-issue that your little guy will find it so, too.

the days when pregnancy = marriage are fading fast... and as many different types of families as exist today, there is certainly grounds for the circumstances surrounding your situation to be 'simply as they are'... again, what you say in your actions and words determine the impression your children hold... consistency is ever key. if you say it isn't an issue and there is a strong and loving environment where the circumstances are never more important than the people living in them, your child will trust this is the case and learn from it that circumstances do not lend or mandate who we are or who we become.

i read your words and i hear worry and fear that these things are somehow 'negative' or 'bad' and 'as such' are threats to your child's wellbeing, happiness, and adjustment in life.

as a parent of two (25 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter), with a fully non-traditional set of circumstances myself, if there is assurance to be had in my words, let it be found in this... the thing your children want most is to know that no matter what happens, no matter their choices, and no matter how you may differ in perspective or opinion, the door to your home, heart, and mind are always open and in any of these, they are forever welcome.

i think you'll find the rest tends to sort itself out so long as one looks to care more for the people involved than the situations or circumstances they are in, which are, themselves, fleeting, changing, and thus rarely worth the level of worry and fear we set upon them.

best wishes for all good fortune, and congratulations upon bringing another light into the world.

It's not so tough to explain if you stay honest and sincere. The important thing is to see things the way they actually are, rather than get wrapped up in the way they ought to be.

Express your love and appreciation for the kids, and try to keep the explanations honest and simple. If you try and hide anything, he'll catch on that something's up.

There's no shame, is there? I mean, this is the way things turned out, and that's ok. It's not the way you planned things, but how often does life go according to plan? Explaining this situation to the kids may help you yourself come to grips with your unorthodox situation.

Just stay honest and sincere, with your eyes as well as with your words.

Thanks for sharing all of this.

i realize one thing when I was reading this. The situation our kids are growning up in is "normal" for them. It is what they know.

It is only when we compare it to our own upbringing or how TV and movies tell us "normal" is that there is anything to tell us that this isn't the right way to be raised.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well....

In other words keep loving that child of yours and he will know that this is the right situation for them to be in no matter how much Fox News and Disney tell us it is only OK to be married.

First of all, I agree with some of the others here that you shouldn't worry about explaining this to your son right now. His wiring isn't really set up for that. All he wants is lots of love and attention; and thats all he will really need for quite a few years. Have fun; both parents are there and love him. eventually, he may wonder about some of this stuff; but in this day and age; I do not think it would be fabricating to tell him that that is just the way it is for a lot of families. My older son was really upset when I seperated and divorced his mom. He felt like his family was the only one that had come apart. I told him that sometimes mommies and daddies stayed together, and sometimes they separated. I pointed out all the different kinds of families his friends had; and pretty quickly he felt comfortable about it. He knew that he had a loving family that took care of him, and that was enough. Just recently, his mom had another baby with a different man; so now my boys have a little sister. They have been a little worried (in a totally non-verbal, kid way) about losing some of their mom's attention; but there is not much I can do about it except be a good Dad on my side.

Although I hate to bring this up, I also sort of agree with the post that mentioned getting your custody arrangement formalized. It would be better to hash it out now, than to just let it ride and risk fights and discord later. It serves no good purpose for your son if you and his dad end up fighting about custody type issues. May you be blessed with a wonderful relationship with your sons Dad forever; but your little son will really suffer if you do not, and you have to rely on court interevntion to solve your disputes. Having the court decide what is best for your family can really suck, and you should work together to put something in writing that you can both live with.

Having kids is one of the most wonderful adventures anyone could ever have. Good luck! Have fun!

this may sound odd but you really will find your self doing very littel explaining, you see this is your childs family and life. He will grow up just knowing alot of stuff and not even questioning it, having a brother in a diffrent state will jst be for him weather or not he was planned will not even be a consideration if he is loved, dad being gay will just be dad untill hes a bit older and then there may be more challenges.
what we forget when we have babies is we don't have to explain there lives to them, they are living knowing and learning it first had.
for exampel, did your parent explain your conception? or why you had siblings? or there sexual orientation? Did you still know enough about thos answers it never occured to you to ask.. or if you did ask it was setteled then?
see your doing fine. Just enjoy your baby.